Torn
by EO-Hiphuggers
Summary: What happens when Scully plucks up the courage to tell Mulder she wants to take things to the next level of their "partnership" and discovers Mulder's BIG secret? Will it be the end of their friendship or can they come back from this step too far? "What did you expect Scully? Did you expect me to never be happy? To never feel loved? Is that what you're saying?"
1. Chapter 1

**Torn**

A/N: This one just came screaming at me when I was getting ready a few days ago and called out to be written.

Enjoy!

P.S- No specific timeframe, but I'm still using elements and events from the show. All belongs to Chris Carter; I'm just borrowing his imagination to satisfy my own.

**Chapter 1**

"Mulder, I..." Scully began, not really sure how to start. They were at the annual FBI ball, in the middle of the dance floor and this was the moment she had chosen to tell him that she wanted to take their partnership to the next level. It was then that Mulder cut her off just as a woman walked up behind him and he laced his arm around her back.

"Scully, I want you to meet someone. This is Michelle; she's my girlfriend."

Scully didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Even though she felt like she had hit a ton of bricks at 100mph, she wanted to laugh and punch the crap out of him for winding her up. This had to be a joke.

She thought her legs where going to give way beneath her as she quickly extended her arm to meet the open hand of Michelle. "Hi Scully, I've heard so much about you."

Scully just nodded; dumbfounded, all the while thinking 'I've heard fuck all about you.'

Michelle whispered something to Mulder and then headed toward the bar. Mulder watched her leave like a love sick puppy and then put his arm around Scully. He sighed deeply, not once averting his gaze from Michelle while he gently squeezed Scully's shoulder toward him. She kept her gaze forward the whole time, afraid if she made eye contact that she might burst into tears right there.

"So, Mulder, a girlfriend?" She asked, trying to hide the annoyance in her voice as well as praying that her voice wasn't cracking. "How long has this been going on for?"

"Yeah," he replied, dragging out the word and throwing his arms up in the air in an 'i-don't-know-how-this-happened-motion.'

"I met her about 6 weeks ago and finally built up the courage to ask her out about 3 days ago."

Scully felt herself throw up a little bit in her mouth. Not only had she almost embarrassed herself to hell and back in her opinion, but she was hearing that the one person she trusted with her entire life had been keeping secrets from her for at least the last 6 weeks. She had to get out of there and fast, because she didn't know how long it would be before everything broke down around her.

Coming back down to earth, Mulder noticed how tense Scully felt under his arm. "You okay Scully?"

"Oh, I'm fine! I hope you'll both be very happy together." She almost whispered sarcastically among the crowds of FBI chatter as she broke from his grip and headed for the door, giving Michelle 'evils' as she turned around from the bar and began to head back toward Mulder. He knew something was up and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

"Is she okay?" Michelle asked concerned as she re-approached Mulder with his drink in her hand. He shrugged and replied, "I need to go after her, see if she is okay..."

"Of course, I understand." Michelle replied, holding onto his drink and giving him a quick peck on the lips before watching him fly off out the door after his partner.

He got to the balcony at the top of the grand staircase and scanned around looking for Scully. That was when he noticed her walking down the left staircase hitching her floor length dress up slightly so that she wouldn't trip. He began to chase her down the stairs and by the time he got to the bottom, she was half way out the front door.

"Scully! Wait." He called as he fought his way through the crowded lobby and out onto the main street. He caught up with her half way down the block and gently spun her around.

"Scully, is everything okay?" He whispered gently holding her wrists in his hands.

She refused to meet his gaze and kept her head low, afraid that he would notice the tears that were threatening to fall. "Mulder, I can't do this now," She whispered back almost inaudibly. "I'm sorry." With that, she turned around and forcefully removed her wrists from his hands.

She kept walking, leaving him standing there in shock and confusion. He wasn't sure what was going on. He went after her again, this time catching her easily as she had only walked a few paces from before.

"Scully, you can't do what? I...I don't understand." He asked stepping into stride alongside her.

"This." She replied watching her feet and still walking. "Us. This partnership. I can't do it anymore."

Mulder was even more confused now. He needed her to stop walking so he could get this sorted out. "Scully, what do you mean you can't do this partnership anymore?" She kept walking. "Scully, would you just stop!" He was in front of her now, his hands on both sides of her waist. She quickly swatted them away and it was almost like a huge vein in her forehead popped as she lunged at him in a verbal assault.

"Do you think it's easy for me?" She replied rhetorically. "Do you think it's easy for me to spend as much time with you as I have done over these last couple of years to then discover that after trusting you with my life, that you've been keeping secrets from me? Do you think it's easy after everything that's happened to me; after everything I've sacrificed for you and the x-files to find out that you tossed me aside like trash for some brunette bitch who's only with you for a quick fuck? Do you think it's easy for me to spend every waking day with you, to discover I have these overwhelming feelings for you that I thought where mutual, only to discover you moved on and didn't bother telling anyone? I almost made a fool out of myself tonight by telling you I wanted us to take things to the next level!"

She was out of breath now as she had been ranting and Mulder just stood there with a mixture of anger, frustration, shock and hurt on his face. She'd never spoken to him like that before. He was quiet for a minute, biting his inner cheek as he just stared at her. Somewhere during her rant she had managed to make and lock eye contact with him.

"I never thought you wanted anything to do with me like, especially after I told you I loved you and you only replied with 'oh brother'. What did you expect Scully? Did you expect me to never be happy? To never feel loved? Is that what you're saying?" He was trying desperately to stay calm, even though it was evident that wasn't working.

"That not what I'm saying and you know that! You know what; I can't deal with this right now!" She was about to walk off again when Mulder spoke as she walked past.

"That's right Scully; run from this like you do from everything else." DAMN. Too late. The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them.

Scully's hand connected with his jaw; hard before she knew what was happening. His head swung to the side before he returned to look at her, holding his face. She bit her lip. "Don't you fucking dare. Don't. FUCKING. Dare." Her bottom lip began to quiver and tears pricked her eyes.

Mulder could tell she was hurting and all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his embrace and take that pain away. He reached forward to try and pull her into his embrace, but she just stated "Don't."

He retracted his arms and watched as she began to walk and then pick up her pace into a run down the street. He really wanted to go after her and make sure she got home safe, but he knew that was the last thing she'd want and he wanted to give her some space.

She was right though. He'd been a complete asshole and said things to her he didn't mean. He'd hurt her so badly; something he'd promised he'd never do and he needed to fix this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Scully wasn't sure when the rain had come on, but by the time she got back to her apartment, she was completely drenched.

She just about got the front door slammed, before she slumped down against it and cried. It felt like every sadness she had ever experienced had hit her all at once.

She couldn't tell how long she'd sat there, crying over her best friend; her soul mate, but eventually she had cried so much that she had no tears left. She was startled from her heartbreak by the sound of the phone ringing; she was in no mood to talk to anyone tonight. She just felt like she wanted to curl up in a ball and hope that someone out there would want to love her. She allowed her answering machine to pick up and that's when she heard it.

"Dana, it's me," He hadn't used a first term basis with her in God knows how long. "Look," She heard him sigh deeply. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what did and I'll never forgive myself. I'm just calling to make sure you got home safe. I wanted to come after you to make sure, but I know you need your space so that's exactly what I'm giving you. Give me a call if you want, although I know you probably don't. I'll see you at work on Monday?" There was a long pause as if he was waiting for her to answer the question. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go, but again, I really am sorry. I don't want to lose you. Besides, you throw a good hand so I could really use you to back me up next time Skinner kicks my ass." She knew that his mouth would have turned up into a small smile at that moment on the other end of the phone and she also knew that he'd said it because it would make her smile a bit too. "Bye."

She felt herself almost saying goodbye to the answering machine too. Ideally, she wanted nothing more than to call him back and talk to him, but she knew that would only hurt her more. Instead she picked herself up and went into the bathroom.

She turned on the shower faucet and put her hand under the water until it turned warm. She looked at herself in the mirror. She'd adorned a beautiful dark green floor length gown that showed just enough cleavage to be sexy but not slutty and that had a teardrop cut-out at the back from her shoulder blades down to her lower back. Her hair had been loosely curled and pinned up, with only a few strands hanging around her face.

She'd felt so beautiful at the beginning of the evening before the events that had unfolded. She had felt so sexy and confident, like she was on top of the world, but all she wanted to do now was pull on some track pants and a hoodie, go to bed, eat shit loads of ice-cream and watch some rom-coms until she managed to fall asleep.

She carefully unbuttoned the dress at the back of her neck and allowed it to freely fall and pool at her feet. She'd even gone as far as buying some sexy undergarments in case things went that far with Mulder that night. She'd definitely jinxed herself there and she scolded herself for being so assuming at the time she'd gone shopping for the dress and picked those babies up. She unpinned her hair and shook it out with her fingertips before stepping into the hot liquid and closing the door.

She allowed the water to run down her back, almost as if she were trying to wash the events of the night away before running it through her hair. She turned to face the faucet and allowed it to run over her face, washing away the tiny amount of makeup she'd been wearing that evening all the while still trying to get him out of her head and off her mind.

About 20 minutes later, she'd gotten dressed in track pants and a hoodie and towel dried her hair. She didn't even care what shape it was in. It was already late, and all she wanted to do now was curl up in her bed. She climbed under the covers and pulled them tightly up around her shoulders.

She had been so drained both physically and emotionally that she slept through until 2pm-ish on the next day. She hugged her duvet, not wanting to get up and leave were she felt calm and at ease.

She heard her stomach growl fiercely and decided that she should really eat something as she hadn't eaten a proper meal since yesterday morning. She usually ate a huge breakfast and just snacked on salad during the day, but today she just thought that she would eat whatever the hell she wanted because hey! Mulder had a new girlfriend!

She made herself a huge plate of food- half folded cheese omelette, bacon, sausage, onions and an Irish soda farl. She put it on the table, grabbed her mug of cranberry green tea and dug in.

She spent the rest of the day going through emails, reading books, watching TV, eating fresh cookie dough and generally feeling lousy about the fact that she, to put it simply, was in love with Mulder.

It was about 10pm before she noticed the time and decided since she'd nothing better to do, that she would go to bed. Ideally, she wanted to go to the nearest bar, order a shit load of tequila shots, get wasted and go home with a cute surfer who was in town on vacation, but she knew that wouldn't make the situation even two percent better.

She was shocked that Mulder hadn't called all day, but then again, he said he wanted to give her space, or was it because he was spending time with his new half? She shuddered at the thought. Definitely the first one. Somewhere among her thoughts of Mulder and how she was going to get through her day tomorrow she drifted off to sleep.

Mulder tossed and turned not being able to sleep. He was anxious about seeing Scully tomorrow knowing that things were going to be really awkward between them. He knew it was going to be a long day, and he was trying to brace himself for it.

He turned over to face his bedside table and that's when he saw it. He'd forgotten it was there, it had just become a feature in the room taking pride of place beside his bed. He picked it up and gently rubbed the tiny layer of dust off that had gathered on it. It was from the annual ball the previous year and both he and Scully had been crowned 'Mr and Mrs FBI'- a little award given to the two best agents each year.

She stood in front of him and he had his arms around her waist in a 'prom pose' while they both wore their 'Mr and Mrs' sashes and crowns. They were both so happy that you'd have sworn they really where 'Mr and Mrs' in real life. He sighed and put the photo back on the dresser, not allowing it to leave his gaze as he fell over to sleep all the while thinking about how he was going to attempt to fix this.


End file.
